


Mortal

by EmilyByrdStarr



Category: Tasertricks - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Jane Foster, F/F, F/M, Feels, Heavy Angst, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, So much angst, Thor Feels, tasertricks - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-28 01:17:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6308611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyByrdStarr/pseuds/EmilyByrdStarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Darcy dies, Loki is destroyed by sorrow and Jane wants to bring her friend back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: nothing belongs to me. Everything belongs to Marvel and Disney and Stan Lee and probably a nice bunch of people who spend their vacations in Hawaii. Evidently, that is not me.**

* * *

 

_ “It hurts when they're gone. And it doesn't matter if it's slow or fast, whether it's a long drawn-out disease or an unexpected accident. When they're gone the world turns upside down and you're left holding on, trying not to fall off.”  _

_ ―  _ [ _ Walter Mosley _ ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/20850.Walter_Mosley)

* * *

 

“You’ll find me again, love.” She said, her words barely quivering.

The air smelled awful. Blood, death, smoke, fire. War. Breathing was difficult for both of them.  

He had a dagger in one hand, the left hand, his better hand. A deep, ragged cut on the other. His magic was almost depleted, he had just barely enough to keep himself and her protected. 

“What are you talking about?” He asked, his voice almost a grunt, his vocal chords irritated. He blinked repeatedly, trying to see something between the smoke and the dust. 

“You know I have to go in there, Loki.” She tried to reason with him, but he was having none of it. 

“You don’t have to do anything, we can escape now.” He tried to stand up from his kneeling position, but his body wasn’t cooperating. A flow of curses left his mouth. His column had taken the worst of the last hit, damaging his nerves from the waist down. 

“We can’t. They are unable to do anything, you know it. I am the only one in the team with enough strength to go in there.” 

“I can’t get you out, Darcy, I can’t. You…” He didn’t say it, couldn’t say it. He was not going to say that word.

She kneeled beside him. Unlike everyone else, she just had a superficial cut on her forehead, though the blood stained all the way down to her neck. 

Her blue eyes bored into his, full of determination and sorrow and fear. 

“I know. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” She smiled and he grabbed her arm, trying to force her to stay.

“If you....I will burn the universe to its roots. I will kill everyone.” He threatened, but she just shook her head.

“You won’t. You’re going to heal, you’re going to do the rest of the job and you’re going to keep saving people. That’s what you do now. It’s your job.”

“It’s not!” He exclaimed, suddenly furious. “I only do this because you are with me! If you go I am not going to have mercy!” 

She caressed his cheek with her free hand, the other firmly holding a grenade. Her soft fingers barely brushing over the injuries, not causing any more pain. Loki wasn’t sure if he would be able to feel it. He could only feel her caress. 

“You’re lying. You do this because you care, and you will continue caring.” 

She was cold to the touch. Loki tried to warm her, but his seidr was barely there, all focused in protecting them both. 

He was just as useful as a fallen leaf. 

“I won’t, Darcy, I won’t. Darcy, I can’t. Don’t do this, because I…”

“It’s me...or everyone.”

She freed herself from his grasp. He wasn’t strong enough to force her anymore, his vision was starting to get too blurry. His seidr was trying to heal him, but he was still protecting her from harm, and it was so difficult... 

Her cold, full lips brushed his in a soft movement. 

“I love you, Loki. I love you so much…We will meet each other again.” Her voice faltered and Loki could almost see the tears in her eyes. The unshed tears. She never cried. Not once. Not when his words hurt her, at first, when he was full of anger and resentment, not when she landed on her ass in every training session with him. Not when The Avengers almost  banished her, when she told them she was with him, before getting used to the idea. 

“Please…”he begged, he, the God of Mischief and Lies, on his knees, begging to a mortal. 

“I love you…” She whispered, and she was gone. 

As soon as she was out of his protection radium, his seidr left her and started healing him. His vision cleared, if only a little. His column snapped back together, and he could stand up. His knees trembled wildly, but he was on his feet.

He was on his feet, but he couldn’t run fast enough. He couldn’t run at all.  

Gunshots, not far away, but he couldn’t see well enough. A pained moan that he knew was from her, making him whimper her name like a pathetic, helpless child. And then an explosion that threw him to the ground one more time. 

On his knees one more time. 

Silence. 

Loki remembered. How her hands were soft and strong at the same time, capable of giving him both the highest pleasure and the sharpest pain  _ (he loved their power, the way he was defenseless against them when she approached him swaying her hips and looking at him through her eyelashes, fire burning in their blue deepness) _ . How her lips would go from moaning his name to call him annoying monikers in the span of two minutes. How her body felt  when she pressed it against his, in their insatiable nights together, over and over again until they finally found release. How she would go to him in the most unexpected moments of the day, dragging him to the nearest empty room and leaving him hot and frustrated  _ (though he loved to do the same with her) _ . The way her features seemed to light up every time she saw him. The way his own face softened at her sight, even when he didn’t want it to. 

There was something burning inside him, tightening his chest, something more than pain. 

Every memory he had of her was on fire, melting like iron, trying to escape from his mind. 

The scream he heard was animalistic, and his tired brain caught up moments later. The sound came from his own, chapped lips, his own ragged throat. 

More screaming. A woman. 

Jane. 

His seidr knocked him unconscious.

When he woke up, he was warm. He hear the rain pouring outside, the heaviness of a bedspread on him, the smell of the coffee machine and disinfectants prickling on his nose. 

Someone breathing beside him. 

Loki opened his eyes, expecting to find her there.

He found Thor. 

The pain he felt almost numbed everything else. Even the light dimmed before his eyes. Her absence was a shadow that swallowed his very perception.  

“Brother,” Thor said. Loki stared at him, cold and silent. “We couldn’t do anything.” 

Thor’s blue eyes were different than hers. Hers were dark, almost grey, like a stormy day. 

Thor’s were like a sunny day. 

He hated sunny days.

He didn’t answer.

For a long time, he didn’t speak. Almost everyone was there at some point, in the apartment they had shared, but he wasn’t going to open the door. He just turned on the radio and the tv at some hours of the day, to make it seem he was actually doing something. 

Everyone was there, but Jane. 

A month passed. Loki spent the days and nights on the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

One day he recharged his phone and stared at all her pictures. He destroyed it after that, cutting his own skin in the process. 

He hated her. 

He hated her eyes, her body, her smile, her very existence. Because it wasn’t there anymore.  _ She _ wasn’t there anymore. 

At some point he wondered if she had done it on purpose. To hurt him beyond hope of recovery. To make him pay in the worst possible way for all the wrong he had done. 

Because, who would have thought they were ever going to be together? She was a mortal, an inhabitant of the very same planet he had wanted to conquer a few years ago. She was friends with Thor and with the people that had defeated him. She was his opposite. 

But they ended up together. 

And then she left him. She walked to her death after leaving him with a whispered  _ ‘I love you’.  _

It had to be on purpose. 

It was almost midnight when someone knocked on the door. Loki didn’t even bother to raise from the enormous bed he had shared with her. 

He did raise half his body when he heard the unmistakable sound of Mjolnir cutting through the air. 

Not even a door bought by Tony Stark could resist the impact of Thor’s hammer on it. 

Loki stood up and walked to the entrance, quickly placing and illusion over him and the place to hide...the mess. The mess he was. Mjolnir was being summoned when he reached the living room.

To his surprise, the person standing at the door was not Thor, but Jane. 

“What do I owe the pleasure?” He said, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Yeah, hello to you too. Thor had to be on his way, but he did this little favour to me before leaving. I am going to have a serious talk with you now.”

“About?” Loki kept the illusion well placed, but he could tell she wasn’t buying it.

“About Darcy.” She answered simply, and made her way to the sofa. “And you can stop with the spell now.” 

When the illusion fell, Jane’s mask of serenity almost dropped too. The place was trashed beyond recognition. Loki was wearing a dirty shirt and a pair of black sweatpants, and nothing more. He had bags under his eyes, and his face was pale. He looked like shit. 

She thanked the gods that she had learned how to apply make up to her face.At least that prevented the rest of the team to know how she was coping with her best friend’s death. 

Or better yet, how she was not coping. 

“I don’t want to talk about her.” He tried to sound menacing, but failed. She was always on his mind, her presence was all around that apartment. He didn’t want her to be on his tongue too. 

“Suck it up, Loki.” Jane furrowed her brow, and for a moment Loki could see her effort on keeping the masquerade. “The world does not revolve around your sorrow. And there’s something important I must tell you.” 

“What could you possibly tell me about her?” Loki tried to sound calm and collected, but his voice cracked a little with barely contained anger. “I don’t want to talk about her. She was nothing to me but a pet. A fleeting thing.”

Jane laughed bitterly.

“Yeah, fucking bullshit. You think you’re the only one who lost her that day? The only one who loved her?” Jane was angry too, but she didn’t lower her voice. “Natasha hasn’t even smirked in a month. Steve has broken all of Stark’s reinforced punching bags. In fact, Steve doesn’t leave the training floor. I sleep in the lab. The news say that this is the worst electric storm in the century. Clint is with his wife and children and hasn’t even texted. Tony has made a new Iron Legion. Pepper is still wearing black. Wanda and Vision are practicing with their powers and trying to control them, because shit started to explode randomly around the Tower and Wanda’s rage was causing it.  I can’t drink coffee!” Against her will, Jane had started crying. “I can’t stand going through my own Facebook account! I can’t hear politicians talking! I try to text her at least four times a day to ask her where are parts of my equipment...” With a deep, shaky breath, Jane forced herself to calm down. Loki was staring at the floor, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “But there’s something we could do. Not all the Avengers, just you, me and Thor.” She continued. 

Loki lifted his head up, slowly. His eyes were empty, devoid of everything. That was the emptiness she had left behind. 

“What.” He pronounced. 

“The nine realms. Helheim.”

“She is not in Helheim. She wasn’t Aesir.” Loki replied wearily. 

“I know. But if someone knows where to find Darcy, that’s Hel. And from what I heard, you and her know each other. And…we still have...Infinity Stones.”

Loki stared at her, surprise written on his face. How did she know…?

The next thing Jane said answered his question. 

“Of course, Thor knows the legend, so we must see for ourselves if everything’s true...but they should have the power to...bring her back. We know the Tesseract, in Asgard, and the Mind Stone is with Vision, and I had a close encounter with the Aether, which I found out is another Infinity Stone...” She trailed off, knowing that this was perhaps the craziest thing she had ever done, and the most dangerous too. But she wasn’t about accepting her friend’s death when she could bring her back. 

Loki knew more than them about the risks that such a quest would entail. There was someone more powerful than them all that was too seeking the Stones. Loki felt a chill running up his spine when Thano’s face appeared in his memory. 

But Darcy... 

“We are going to need a lot of help,” he stated blankly. 

Jane nodded, a wan smile crossing her pale lips. 

He would find her again.


	2. And all I loved, I loved alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traveling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a review *stares at you until you feel compelled to write something*

**Disclaimer: I don’t remember buying Marvel or adopting Stan Lee as my grandfather. Therefore, none of this belongs to me except the mistakes.**

* * *

_“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”_  
_\- Vicki Harrison_

* * *

The bathroom of Loki’s apartment was decorated in blue and white, mostly. It was also warm and full of vapor, for the god of Mischief had been taking the first bath in a long time, after using magic to clean himself daily. Now, with only a towel wrapped around his waist, he was standing in front of a head-to-toe mirror. One that she had bought only three months ago and gave a perfect view of the shower behind him. He knew she had done it on purpose, but they had never talked about it. He liked it, actually. 

Loki stared at himself. After a month of her absence, his body looked exactly the same. Pale skin, lanky complexion for an Asgardian and too small for a Frost Giant, but still strong and quick in battle. His inky black hair tousled from the shower, drops of cold water falling from its ends. His thin, almost white lips, pursed in a thoughtful expression.

Perhaps his body still had not noticed the fact that she was not there anymore, but his eyes were different. Capillaries were broken all around the green iris, showing his lack of sleep along with the black shadows under his eyes. He had started having nightmares again. The old ones, about Thanos and his torture, and new ones, with her dying by his hand. Had he not been healing in that battle, he was certain she would have survived. She had thrown herself into the arms of death, but it was not going to affect his decision of bringing her back. Somehow, he knew she would wait for him.

Loki also knew  _ he _ should have died that day. He, guilty of many crimes, the dark against her light, excessively vicious in his self-hatred. She was innocent of everything but, maybe, a heart too good for her sake.

He did not mind the ice forming in his blueing skin, and for the first time since he was alone, Loki allowed his true nature to take place. Blood red eyes stared back at him. His skin was rising with the light blue ridges of those with royal ascendancy in Jotunheim. With a heavy thud, he fell to the floor, his lungs agonizing, his throat gasping for air. Everything around him was frozen, even the mist on the mirror had become ice, and all he could think about was how his chest burned like wildfire because she was not there. His lover. She belonged to him and no one else, and not even death could claim her, for he would take her away from its dark claws. Of that, he was certain. 

Thirty minutes later, in which he felt wave after wave of pure, violent suffering, Loki was able to stand up and allow the Aesir appearance to crawl over his Jötunn form. He dressed with mechanical movements: shirt, underwear, black pants, socks, and boots. With an absent-minded look, he combed his hair backward and took a deep breath, hitching when he felt another, less fierce twinge of pain in his chest. He had a meeting to go.

The reunion with Thor and Jane was tiresome and, at times, loud and heavy with disagreement. But at the end, and after four hours of ongoing arguments, the plan was settled.

* * *

 

A timid shade of gray in the sky found Loki sitting on the couch. Chaos surrounded him and the city below as well. Still, the god did not seem fazed by it. Sleep had been eluding him that night, but his mind had no place to rest. After an hour, when the sky turned into a glorious battle of pink, gold, and blue, Loki stood up, grabbed a backpack and left the apartment in a flash of green. He did not look back at the table, where among broken ceramic plates lay a letter written in spidery words.

* * *

 

Thor and Jane had not slept, either, though they were in bed, tangled against each other.

“I always find the dawn…disappointing”,  said Jane in a whisper, more to herself than to anyone else. “The stars go away like they are being chased, and all their magic goes with them…at least for a few hours.”

Thor felt very much the same when a storm passed by New York and went on its way, leaving the city alone and dripping. The trees in central park shone as they were made of diamonds, and the occasional rainbow reminded him of Asgard. Despite all the mocking from the rest of the Avengers, when a storm was announced he went out, climbing the stairs to the top of the tower. From the first lightening to the last drop of water, Thor stayed outside, just sitting on the floor. Rain hit his chest like shards of ice, and sometimes electricity hit him, making his eyes glow with power. His instincts were released, his spirit freed from his own fears and restraints. Thor was one with the storm and enjoyed it.

“You belong in the stars, my beloved Jane”, he said, kissing her with an unlikely softness. Outside the first clouds hung dark in the horizon, a sharp contrast to the colorful show of minutes before. Thor smiled.

* * *

 

_ Ostmarka forest, Norway _

Snow, Loki discovered, was very pleasant. It refreshed him, made him comfortable. It was something similar to a blanket but made for his body only. He felt the snowflakes fall over his head with soft impacts that made his skin sensitive. He was certain that his Jötunn nature marveled at how at ease he felt in that environment. It had been his first extraordinary sensation in five weeks of a dulled, gray world. The snow had awakened something in him. His true nature was restless, the Jötunn wanted to feel that world he had been so briefly allowed to experiment, so many years ago that he did not remember. Before Odin took him.

With a deep breath, Loki closed his eyes and allowed the Frost Giant to emerge. The sensations were intense. His nostrils were suddenly overwhelmed with the sweet scent of snow, his chest expanded and the ridges in his skin sent little shocks of pleasure through his body. He had never felt something like that in his entire life. When he opened his eyes, Thor and Jane were staring at him. His brother was cautious, his guarded eyes examining him carefully. After a few seconds, they relaxed, knowing that Loki was still in that body. Jane was openly staring at him, curiosity flooding her brown orbs. 

“How does it feel?” She suddenly blurted out, incapable of controlling herself.

“It is different”, he stated, getting free of his thick coat. The scarf followed, and the gloves. He made them disappear and touched the snow with his bare hands. A long, deep breath passed, in which no one spoke. 

“Good different or bad?” Jane continued. Loki was trying not to lash out in anger towards her. He wanted to stay in the snow forever, cuddled by its refreshing essence, with no one to speak to him ever again. It was a seductive, white spell that threatened to defeat him. But suddenly his absent lover appeared in his mind, and the snow lost part of its sweet charm.

“Good.” He said in a clipped tone. She stopped asking, but smiled at Thor, and he nodded.

The wind changed, and Loki smelled a perfume in it that wasn’t there before. It was flowery but had a tartness in it that attracted him. It was like tasting a lemon pie: first, the excessive sweetness of the cream, and then the sharp contrast of the lemons that made it so appealing. It was definitely magic. And powerful magic, at that. 

“Follow me”, he nodded towards the source of the smell. It was easy for him to walk, for his nature seemed too pleased to be free and explore, but not so much for Thor and Jane. Though the woman was not cold, thanks to the warming spell on her coat, the forest proved to be a challenge to go through. Hidden roots, twigs, and vegetation made the walk slower, but when they reached the place they were not disappointed: two rocks stood in a small clearing. They were entirely carved in runes, and in the middle of them, flat on the snow, a third stone with a strange symbol. But Loki, whose sensations seemed to be heightened, saw the magic flowing in the symbol like rainbow-colored water and left a small smile dance for a second on his lips.

“What do we do now, brother?” Inquired Thor with a raise of his eyebrows. He held Mjolnir in one hand and a cape, made from the fur of a Bilgesnipe, protected his warmer Asgardian physiology. Loki still had not put on his armor, but he could do it at any moment. He would do it as soon as they landed on Helheim.

“Now, we shall stand on that rock and travel to Hel’s territory. Mind you, Thor, you and I must think about that wretched realm very clearly, and you, Jane, must keep your mind focused on your desire for us to reach our destination.”

And so, under a darkening sky, with only trees and snow around to see them, Jane, Loki, and Thor held hands and stepped on the rock.

Traveling by Bifröst was an uncomfortable experience. It felt like being tossed through time and space towards an unwelcoming ground, but then the speed disappeared and the landing was quite good.

Traveling by that stone, however, was not the same. At some point, the feeling of being torn apart was so intense that Loki squeezed Jane and Thor’s hands. Two seconds later, they were dropped to a hard ground that knocked them all unconscious.

Several minutes passed until they regained their wits, and several more until the reality settled in. Mouths parted and eyes unblinking, none of them could speak. 

“Loki”, Thor started with a warning tone, his voice low but powerful, like a distant thunder. “Why are we in Jotunheim?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Yes, almost a year went by between the first chapter and this one. Um, I'm trying something new here. First, I'm trying to be more descriptive, and probably more metaphorical. You can yell at me if you don't like the style, it's just something new I'm trying, since this is how I write in Spanish, my native language. Second, I'm not planning how the story goes. I'm going to see if I can do something creative and just go with my gut. Of course, I will not make false promises: I am not a regular updater" haha. Sorry about that, but I have Grownup Stuff To Do now that I'm 22. Third and this is a warning: I DON'T HAVE A BETA READER. IT'S JUST ME AND MY POOR BRAIN TRYING TO NOT MAKE CRINGE-WORTHY MISTAKES. Fourth: I will not abandon any of my stories. It doesn't matter if just five people read them, I will finish them all. This is a very long note, but if you want to follow me on Tumblr and bother me about stuff, you're welcome. I'm "emstarr-tasertricks" there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick author note

You guys, I'm sorry for not updating. I'm without internet right now, and can't post chapters from my phone. I don't know when the problem will be fixed, but I hope it does quickly because I need to binge watch downton Abbey haha. Don't loose hope! My mornings are free now, as well as two afternoons and the weekends. That means more time for writing than I've ever had in these two or three years. Really sorry for not being able to update. This is valid for all my stories.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so autumn started in the South Hemisphere, and accordingly the day was cold and gray.  
> There's a fire burning in the fireplace, a tea in my hands and biscuits on a plate nearby.  
> I decided to kill Darcy and have Loki feels.  
> Then the biscuits sweetened my heart and I decided to have Jane in charge of bringing our dear Darcy back.  
> Comments?  
> (Don't hate me, pls?)


End file.
